- When I was in 1st std.:
“Teacher, teacher may I, please, go to the toilet?”
When I was in 5th std.:
“Miss, I didn’t understood how to calculate the simple interest.”
When I was in 10th std.:
“Gosh !! What the hell is this Mamta teaching?”
And now when I am in 11th std.:
“ … ” , well, er, there is nothing I said, because first I don’t know my teachers name and second I hardly sit for lectures.
This is the change I am talking about. The change between the kind of relation I shared with my teachers. First my teacher was my friend, then gradually she reduced just to my ‘teacher’, no more a friend. Then she became just a name (Mamta), no more a teacher. And now … I don’t know who is my teacher, what is her name, when is her lecture. Wow !!! What an up gradation of manners? Change is a part and parcel of life, agreed. Change is the spice of life, again agreed. But is this change so BIG? Was this change necessary? Though I laugh up this fact, giving an excuse, that this is what college life is all about; I still think how I, as a student, changed so much and why?
Let me compare my school and college life and different stages.
- First day at school:
“Manu, don’t cry dear. Its ok. All is going to be well. See, there are so many kids going in. You are going to find new friends baby. Chalo, now stop crying. You are my sweet angel, right?”, my mom was constantly saying these words and pushing me so that I take at least one step ahead. I was like, “No no aai, I don’t want to go. Everyone told me that in school teacher beats with scale. I don’t want to go.” But my aai was not going to listen to me. Tears still rolling down, I showed the braveness and went in.
- First day at college:
“Manu, are you really mad? Who on earth goes to college on the first day itself. Come on, nobody comes to college dear, neither do the teachers do”. This line was said by my aai. Yes the one about whom you read above. “No no aai, I am going. Oh!! Its my first day at college. I want to see my campus, my canteen, my class. I am going. Bye” Yes and this is the same manu who was not even willing to see the school’s main gate.
This incident shows that its not just I who changed, but my life changed someone else too. ‘This’ particular change in the willingness and un-willingness is because the people around us already imprint a picture about school and college. When we go to school we are already told that teacher punishes you. When we go to college we are already told that teacher won’t come only. So this particular change occurred in me because of the picture which was already created and shown to me. I was already told about the lifestyle therein.
- Exams in school:
1. “Arre, Ayesha done with all chapters? And listen dear that Rahul who sits behind you always peeps in your paper. Hide your paper well. Anyway, I am too tensed, I am not sure how much I remember.”
2. “Hey! I am such a fool, miss told us to bring a rough page for calculation. How can I forget it?”
- Exams in college:
1.“Arre, Ayesha done with the second chapter? I have done with the first. Just sit a bit inside and I’ll sit a bit outside. So that we can peep easily into each other’s paper. Don’t take tension, chill !! If you don’t remember we all are there to help each other”
2. “Hey! I am such a fool, I forgot to bring my cell phone. How would I do the calculation. Shit man, how can I forget it. Now I have to use that filthy log table.” (Cell phones/calculators are strictly prohibited)
Ha!! Well I failed to answer this change in me. May be because ‘college ki hawa lag gai’.
- Crushes in school:
“Dekh, there she is coming with her two sweet ponies. How beautiful and innocent girl she is. I wish I was her ‘friend’. How simple and intelligent she is. I want all those filthy and manner less girls to become like her.”
- Crushes in college:
(Note: This change didn’t occur in me. Its something I have observed )
“Dekh, kya item hai yaar. I crave to be her ‘boyfriend’. How stylish and modern she is. I wish all simple girls turn up like her, naughty, sensational and trendy.”
Why do this change occurs in teenagers, I have no idea. No idea at all. I don’t know where do they cultivate this cheap mentality from? Where do they throw the respect they had for girls earlier?
- Attending lectures in school:
“Arre, aai give my tiffin fast. I am getting late. God!! My teacher is going to punish me today. Its already 6:55, how am I suppose to reach school at 7:10?? I don’t want to stand outside the classroom in the corridor again.”
“Arre, Kratika run. We have to rush to the canteen, before the next lecturer comes. I don’t wanna sit one more lecture, man!. Make it fast. Pack your back dear. We will go to canteen and then would chill around in the campus.”
Now, let me brief all the things. ‘Children are innocent’, and its only now that I understand why are they innocent. I definitely am enjoying this phase of my life, but the thing is I don’t understand why do we start enjoying all those things which we hated till school. Why do we lose the innocence? Why do we forget our responsibilities as students? Our mindset, norms, manners, thinking, views all change. And to some extent our sincerity is lost. What I am feeling now is so different. I somehow love this different ‘Manali’. The present Manali is completely different from the Manali of school days. But somewhere down in my heart I feel so guilty, so conscience-stricken. Its like my teachers spent so many years teaching me all those good things, good manners, to make my mind clean and pure. And now I took hardly few days to forget all those things, which they taught me to make my conduct good and civilized. I still fail to understand where I went wrong? In fact I don’t know whether I am right or wrong. Manali was not this before. Though I show myself happy, I don’t know to what extent I actually am experiencing the ‘real happiness’. I mean all these things are new to me and so they are attracting me towards them. No doubt I am enjoying these things, but the fact still remains that may be this change is not necessary. When it comes to enjoyment we all defend ourselves saying that,”Come on man, these are the years when we can enjoy!! So, chill dude!!” But my question is that though we put all this under the term ‘enjoyment’, how much they are eroding our values, thinking, nature; we have no idea. Though you may be thinking that I am making a mountain of a molehill, but the real thing is that we have to understand the importance of these small things.
For eg., When I bunked lectures the excuse which I gave was that the teachers are pathetic, and they actually are. But gradually I realized that I didn’t even sit in those lectures which are actually fruitful.
This is just a ‘small’ example. In short, this is what I want to convey. We need to understand the importance of these things which seem small today but they may turn up to be really disastrous tomorrow. Its like, ‘Small things bring big changes’. Is it that we didn’t enjoy our school days; in fact they were the best. Basically, its not the change I am not happy with, it’s the nature of the change that makes me a bit uneasy. I don’t know may be I have concluded things too early. I mean, I have not even completed a year in college and I am making these big big, philosophical conclusions. But I still have the notion that tomorrow may be the change like calling a girl ‘A sweet girl’ to ‘an item’ can be disastrous.
My question still remains a question as to why I changed as a student? Its not that I am not happy with it, definitely I am, I mean changes are necessary. Without change your life would be hell. But then there is a chance that the changes itself make your life a hell. I think I am expecting all things to be answered soon than they are supposed to be. So now let me stop my lecture-giri. I am hope that I ‘enjoy’ my college life. Though I have many things that are on their way, which I have not yet experienced, I still feel that there is something wrong, something seriously wrong…
(A modified and better version can be read on the e-paper of MUMBAI MIRROR, where I has sent this article with few changes:
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/index.aspx?Page=article§name=CITY%20-%20Briefs§id=35&contentid=2010080720100806163411744cdc94166)
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